From Nothing

In the long quiet hours that I find myself imparting life from my life into my new little babe, I am given many moments to enjoy the silence of night. It is as if it is just her and I in the entire world. Quiet.

Outside my window I look for inspiration, but I find that I’m holding it instead. Looking through the window all I am returned with is the shallow wind whispering to her slumbering neighbors, that yes... the world is still here awaiting you when you open your eyes. The leaves quiver in response. The lights turn on and off on the street as if unnoticed, muttering its own language as the lights turn on and off through the windows in return.

Her eyes open and close and and pierce my heart with each movement and the anticipation of each movement. My entire world is curled up in a ball right before me, now my life is suddenly made more important through hers. As I sit and watch her fluttering eyelashes, like the folding back of petals in the sun, I cannot help but be completely and utterly lost in the idea that this life emerged from nothing. My human mind may perhaps never be equipped to understand the concept, and I pray it never does because maybe in that moment I might find that life has lost its meaning.

Feeling her touch, I struggle to accept the fact that she is indeed real. A real living breathing little version of me that didn’t exist before. She is the embodiment of love, and my heart swells with the thought, ‘if love was a person...’ The petals of her face fold back revealing a beautiful perfect piece of me, the best part of me and the best part of her father. Her arms reach out to me, and with her eyes closed tight, I know they will find me. In the darkness of night, she will reach out to find that I am there with her. Always.

And my own reflection deceives me. Who is this woman?

As I catch the image of my face in the mirror as I walk passed, I had to take a pause. Who was she, holding a baby girl no less. How quickly can your world change, my eyes will take more time to adjust to this new reflection. You can walk through life and never really see yourself. It was as if I was looking at someone else holding their child so close and I realize that this person also came from nothing. From absolute nothingness into absolute and utter living breathing thinking loving trusting real-ness. I was seeing my new self for the very first time. In an instant. And it will take much more than an instant to ever attempt to understand the temporary permanence of it all.

And into nothing, we shall all return.